Stages of celibacy

By: ALMAS, A.C.

“It is clear that choosing celibacy is not done once and for all, in fact being virgin is not a matter of maintenance, but of permanent conquest”.

Amadeo Cencini

When we talk about developing stages in consecrated life, we do not mean necessarily that they have to go through these stages and live them in the same way. Each consecrated person can say that they have experienced a special path in their celibate life.

• STAGE 1: YOUNG LOVE. A DESIRE THAT BLOSSOMS

Young love is equal to passion, intense and overwhelming feelings, always firm and secure, sincere, a fresh love, vital but a little naïve and idealist, thus sometimes not very reliable. But it is important that this kind of love exists, not only in marriage but also when choosing a consecrated life, since this decision must not be encouraged only by theological or ethical causes but also by impulse, for something beautiful, good and genuine. It is necessary that those who are starting a religious life identify that there is a natural and constituent link between religious and priestly vocation and affective maturity. It is important to understand consecrated life not only as a calling to serve but more like a calling to love, motivated by the desire to lead a state of life within a totally free proposal of love.

• STAGE 2: GROWN UP LOVE. A DESIRE WITH STRONG OPPOSITION

This stage is considered to be a stage of consolidation. But as every consideration, testing is necessary. Without testing there cannot be any dynamic growth.

As an ecclesiastic used to say: (Si. 2: 2). The problem is not the test itself but how we face it. Specially the affective tests that arise in this stage due to the fact that consecrated people are around their thirties.

• STAGE 3: MATURE LOVE. LIBERATED DESIRE

There is a Hindu saying: “Up to twenties one learns, between twenties and forties one acts, close to forties one starts an inner search”. This is a renaissance stage, contrary to what it is thought that the middle age crisis is a distressing stage. People live better when they have a more mature vision of this stage.

Middle age crisis is marked by two important things:

• A change in time perception, people want to take advantage of every minute and they cannot waste time in unimportant things.

• Fear to death, which has several meanings.

1. Change of image.
a. Regarding oneself.
b. Regarding God.

The key challenge in this stage of life is a second conversion that can be found as follows:

a) Faithfulness to God and unselfishness.
b) Faith in connection and consolidation.

• STAGE 4: LOVE UNTIL THE END OF TIME. FULFILLED DESIRE

It is evident that our body gets old before our mind and heart, that is why it is difficult for many people to face old age, if this normally happens to everybody, it also happens to many celibates. It is then a stage to live the wisdom of old men where the following moments are important:

a) Love time: If there is love, this is the greatest proof that a virgin heart cannot grow old.

b) Transparency age: In the East, knowledge is considered to be the unity of intelligence and heart, and this is what has to be found in this stage of life. An integration of past stages, through memory, that leads the virgin person to make a synthesis of his life that reflects God to the others, but above all, that provides answers to his own existence.

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Affectivity