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By: Rosario Alfaro Martínez (psycotherapist)
Another important factor in communication is listening. In order to have a good communication we have to consider that the important thing is not what we say but how others listen to it. A good listener is a person that offers the other the freedom to be the way he/she really is. It is important to be myself and let the other be him/herself while I listen. This is fundamental in order to have a good communication. It is also very important when it becomes our turn to listen to someone, that we are really there, available, that we do not try to guess what that person is feeling, because this makes us to label people and block the communication process.
Communication is the connection between two people. There are lots of kinds of personal communication; the most important one is the one where we only ask to be understood. I need to be listened so that the other can get inside my mind and know who I really am. Many times we are not understood or we do not understand because we have to clear up some terms we use during the communication process.
We should never expect that communication turns out perfect, this is humanly impossible. Some communication barriers are: advising, competition, calculating, distraction, dreaming, filtering, showing resentment, identifying, ignoring, labeling, applying, rehearsing answers or sarcasm.
There are times when words cannot explain what we really want to communicate, that is, why we need the significant physical contact. That is to touch the other person, this warmness can tell more than a million words. The experience of being touched increases our self-esteem and make us better people. It is an essential contribution for security.
We have to realize that communication means going beyond our safety zones. These are those ideas, situations or ways of acting where we feel everything is alright. When I listen to my married couple most probably not everything’s going to be easy, there are things that will make me feel vulnerable, it means outside my safety zones. I have to remember that any human development process involves growth and it is difficult and painful.
Either we listen or we talk, we have to do it for love. Engagement love means that se want to communicate in a special way inside marriage.
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