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By: Father Nicolas Schwizer
Infantilism is a distinct disharmony between age and the position one takes in life; or better said: it is the disharmony between the love for “ME” and the love for “YOU” in the sense that one overestimates or decides on love of self. Infantilism is the inability to offer myself to another. Infantilism is wanting to receive when one should give. Infantilism is to be submerged in self, always centered on “ME.” Some types of infantilism are:
The whimsical (fickle) “ME”. He/she places desires and pleasures at the center of his/her life. His/her great phrase is: “I do not feel like it.” He/she is characterized by a great instability of spirit. When I feel well, I am a formidable person. I talk to everyone, I help others, but when I am in poor spirits, I am a disaster. No one can stand me. I am dominated by my likes and dislikes. For many, spirituality depends on whims: they pray at mealtime or go to Sunday Mass only when they feel like it; they are faithful to the group meetings according to their whims.
We should ask ourselves: do I constantly depend on my moods? Am I happy and content today, and tomorrow I am ilhumored?
What about family life? When I get home do I not ask myself: What is my obligation? What is my task as a father, as a mother? What does God ask of me in my home? If I do not consider these questions, then I will think about reading the newspaper or think about the program I plan to watch on TV this evening. I do not think about what I can offer, rather, I consider what home can offer me: rest, peace, tranquility. The “whimsical (fickle) ME” thinks about what “I” need and am not aware of what those around “ME” need.
He/she has great emotional instability which makes him/her selfish; for example, I have a friend whom I adored, but I heard him/her say something negative about me and since then I can no longer stand him/her. I do not even ask myself if what I heard was true. I do not even ask myself if what this friend said was serious or not. He/she spoke badly of me, I was hurt, and that was enough. I no longer want to know anything about him/her. Then Father says: Everyone who has been hurt has to be careful and see if what was said was true or not. In such cases, frequently, 90% of the judgment is selfish.
The pity me “ME.” This type pities self and has a martyr complex; for example, this type always sees criticism as a lack of love. This person is not able to accept even the most rational criticism. Why? Because the ego is so much in the center that he/she cannot be wrong. On the other hand, this is a person who complains constantly: everyone is against me, no one understands me, and he/she will always find fault with others and never with himself/herself. This type of person is always excusing himself/herself. To seldom excuse oneself and to trust that the excuse will come by other means is a sign of great maturity. On the contrary, to excuse oneself constantly is a sign of immaturity.
We could speak of injustices. It could be something big and serious; for example, serious calumnies, my reputation was soiled and I lost my job because of it. Or, they can be small injustices, daily and repeated injustices; for example, in our married life: a hurtful word; exaggerated criticisms like “I” always have to ask for pardon and my spouse never has to ask for pardon. They are small injustices which create in me a sensation of great self-pity and which can turn into bitterness.
The aggressive “ME.” This type always feels attacked and assaulted and is therefore always attacking. This type of person always sees his/her rights, freedom and self in danger and therefore, is always attacking. He/she sees conspiracies everywhere. He/she believes that everyone is against him/her. These persons suffer a great deal; in fact, all infantilism makes us suffer a great deal.
Questions for reflection
1. What forms of emotional immaturity can I find in my personality? (for example, unrefined and crude negative reactions, pessimism, moments of helplessness and weakness, giving up, frustration, dislikes, cowardices, etc.
If you wish to comment on this text or give a testimony, write to: pn.reflexiones@gmail.com
Translation: Carlos Cantú. Family Federation. La Feria, Texas USA 022507
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