 |
By: Claudia Orozco
I want to tell you a story. It is an Old Mexican Legend of a warrior and a princess. They were in love, as all the good stories ever, but they had a problem since her father didn’t want her to marry a simple warrior. The king sent him to war to demostrate he was worthy of her daughter. Days and months passed and since the princess didn’t receive any notice from her beloved, she sank into depression and died. When the warrior finally came, he found her dead and couldn’t resist blaming himself for not arriving before. He was so mad that took her to the top of a mountain and knelt next to her yelling and mourning. The gods had compassion of them and covered them with snow, turning them into ever-lasting mountains so they were together forever. There are two volcanoes in Puebla, a State of Mexico, one has the shape of a sleeping woman and the other one of a man knelt next to her. Both of them are covered with snow most of the seasons of the year and inside them, there is always going to be the fire for their love. You can see a picture of both the volcanoes and the legend characters at: http://twurl.nl/1jwiqw
Even if you are not from Mexico and you have never heard this story before, have you ever felt so sad because you are not with your beloved one that you wish you could die? Have you ever experience that feeling of desperation and perhaps sorrow because someone has left you? Have you ever had your broken heart because of a broken relationship?
I think this is the daily human story: intense feelings, love, life, death… In a way or another, we all have gone through this. To lose someone means to give away a very important (or not so important) piece of our life and heart. Loses may cause a level of grief, and different people may have different ways of experiencing their own loses. Normally we first face a shock and denial. We can’t believe s/he is really gone, we may cry until we believe there are no tears left and still we keep on crying. I used to work with young people and I found more than once girls in the restrooms of the school crying inconsolably for a break up.
Then we think and rethink and try to find the reasons that would tell us what went wrong. We start thinking magically: “What if I had done this?” “What if he had never done that?” Thoughts of pain and guilt invade us and it’s like if we emanate pain throughout all of our skin. There is a good song by Kate Winslet called “What if I had never let you go” that illustrates perfectly this feelings. The pain in this stage is so profound that we could do almost anything to get him/her back, even if we know (deep in our hearts) it is not the healthiest thing to do. Emotional blackmail may take place here, so we have to be aware of both: commiting it or being deceived with it.
Pain is the disguise of anger. In fact, we are so angry because the other person didn’t realize how precious we are that we are, in deed, angry with them. Sometimes this feeling is appreciated when people talk bad about their past relationships or, the other way around, when they try to bargain a reconciliation.
From every stage, we must learn to deal with this new part of us that probably we didn’t know. Everything that we have (feelings, thoughts, experiences) configures what we are now. Accepting that the relationship is over will help us to understand we are in a new stage of our life in which more oportunities may come. The challenge is to go back to your insight and be with yourself, understand what you are feeling / thinking and take the best part of it.
When my first boyfriend broke me up, I spent three horrible years in grief. Something that gave me hope was to think that if I were not single now I wouldn’t be able to meet the man of my life. I know God loves me so much not to let me be with someone who is not meant for me. So I keep on learning about myself in this constant and challenging interior growth, keep on praying for my future husband wherever in the world he is, and keep on trying to be the best version of myself everyday.
|
|
|
 |
