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Dating rules
By: Claudia Orozco
Last weekend I was watching “Pride and Prejudice” after I finished reading the book of Jane Austen. I found the movie piece of art (movie and book) good, I liked it. I went to the special bonus at the end of the DVD and found a short video that was called the “dating rules”. The director, Joe Wright, of the movie and some of the actors and actresses were commenting on the RULES one MUST have followed in the last years of the 18th century… Men could not talk or be in contact with women somewhere else than in the dancing scenario (that is why the balls caused so much excitement among youngsters). Women and men couldn’t express their sexual feelings directly, if they wanted to tell they liked someone, they had to do it with flowers. They couldn’t touch each others hands, it was banned…
In this short video after the film, one said: “In the Gregorian Era there WERE rules, and people knew what to do and what to expect. Nowadays, there are NONE! It’s so confussing!”
So I was thinking about the dating rules people follow nowadays, specially in my Mexico City. I was asking several friends above their twenties. I know what you are thinking… They are too old to have rules (and that may be true), but they are old enough to have passed through that.
This is what I found. In the early years of this 21st Century, in one of the biggest cities of the world, in a culture where family values are still alive, here sexual culture is shaped by certain ideology – legal abortion before 12 weeks of pregnancy, legal marriage and adoption between homosexual people, morning-after pill available for any women in any hospital, 30 out of 100 marriages end up in divorce, just to mention some facts – talking about “dating rules” is archaic, isn’t it?
I am not talking about the Do’s and Don’ts young people “should” follow in order not to lose someone quickly… I’m talking about the RULES parents establish when their children first date. Are there any differences? Are parents rules made for children’s “benefits”? Do parents establish rules just to bother youth? Do you know what I am talking about? Have you ever had dating rules – established by parents or by yourself?
Lots of questions. Let’s talk about some of the answers. Some of the rules apply to women rather than men, but since men date women (most of the time), then rules apply for both. One of the basic rules is watch out for the time. Puntuality is a virtue that everyone fancies and almost anyone can have (specially in a city like this one). Being and arriving ON time talks about the level of commitment and seriousness people give to a certain relationship. Another rule may be regarding what to do and where to go. It is said that a place where you can talk and get to know each other better is the best option to have in first dates, and that makes sense. If people really want to share and care about each other, spending time talking is preferable. The last rule I want to talk about is being gentle. When you like a person, you want to show him/her the best version of yourself, and (I am sure) this is not a mad face, is it? Being gentle means being caring and attentive to the other’s needs. And THIS should never be lost, even LOTS of dates have passed…
The interesting thing here is to ask why to establish rules? Are they really important? Would you, as a parent, do that to your children? What kind of rules would be eligible in 30 years?
Interesting questions, eh? But that may be part of another article. Until then!
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